I'd probably be more elaborate if it wasn't so late. It's a night wherein sleepiness is not really counteracting not being able to fall asleep. If you are anything of a regular visitor, you know by now that it is in these middle-of-the-night hours that I do my best thinkin'. And such have I been doing in the past hour or so.
Last October, I got herded onto a roller coaster that was much bigger and badder than any that I was prepared for; like being pushed into the wrong line, I found myself and my life living in a context that wasn't any more familiar than it was planned. In the last three months, there has been fear; intense fear. For some time, I saw a loop coming that looked like it was going to hurt me, and yet I couldn't run away from it; I was strapped in. I tried to hang on to the handlebars--to anything--but the handles moved with me and with a swiftness and scariness unlike anything I've ever really felt before, the loop came. I felt scared, and even sick for days at a time, and after a month or two, I woke up and my clothes didn't fit anymore.
Alongside the fear, there has been a parallel excitement; anticipation and the realization that new can be good, even though different can be hard. There is sage wisdom in looking forward. We are the products of our pasts but the potentials of our futures.
I keep telling my roommates: it's amazing how drastically life can change, in such short amounts of time. And it is. But I'm looking forward and opening my heart to new things, and growing because of it.
#Flight.
TBF
